She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I party with great urgency now.
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