you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
