I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
