I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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