by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
