There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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