I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
