it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
