we have officially lost it.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
