Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
