Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
