We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
