you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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