There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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