Dual....:-)
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
