I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
