Will you blow on my dice?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
