Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
