i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
