i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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