those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
