okay pat passed out under dana's car
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
