That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
