I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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