Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
