Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
