i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
