i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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