She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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