I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
