pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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