She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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