Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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