i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
