I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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