we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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