I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
