Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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