Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
