I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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