from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
