K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
