wat bout pragnant strippers??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
