i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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