I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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