If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
