i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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