I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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