Kiss
Puke
I am puke
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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