id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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