Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
