Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
