Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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