the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
