Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
