I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I didn't shave. On purpose
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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