dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
