last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
