I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Less talking, more tequila
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
