so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
