Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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