rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
