The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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