It was confusing and full of hummus
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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