I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
