I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
