Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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