You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
