I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
