that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
